palali

Hello. I am now updating my journal, not for you who are not me, but for me. Whether you read this is of no consequence to me. I don't care.

I'm still at university, going strong. Passed the year already, so I can probably slack off more than I have been already plus go to even fewer lectures to boot.

I'm now seeing a young lady by the name of Kat. I've also taken up dancing. To say that these two events are unrelated would be a lie. I like to call her a lesbian. It's easy to do this when she's dating a guy who dances, even if it is a guy who dances with her.

I now have a grand total of two radio shows on RareFM, a shitty student radio station. I'm off to Romania in July for 6 weeks. This is so I can dig old things up from the ground, and then give them to experts who can guess what they are. There have been no new comedy ventures since the last post, but filming will be commencing shortly on our first major production. It's not going to be very good.

I think that's all, feel free to comment below.

I've done the radio show for 2 consequetive weeks now, though I'm currently on a break for Christmas. Apparently I came across as 'gay.' Which is unfortunate, since I love the pussy. But it's 2005 now, a time for new beginnings. From this day forward I vow to stop slouching quite so much, and come across as less 'gay' on university radio. In my next update I'll be sure to tell you how that's going.

I've completed a few short films recently with friends at university. One was a sci-fi epic entitled 'Attack of the 5'10" Metallic Scottish Cock King.' It's shit. The second was what I have coined as a 'mock-mock arthouse film.' It's called 'Random Psychoanalytical Bollocks.' It's shit also. They're fun to make though, so I'll keep doing it. That is, until it isn't fun anymore.

In many ways university is going as planned I suppose, the same prolems I had mentioned previously still apply but I feel I'm doing what students are supposed to do. It's been fun that's for sure, but I've made a few enemies I expect. I sometimes wish I could be like those guys who everyone likes, simply because they're so fucking amiable. I know one guy like that. I could never be like him though, simply because I'm intolerant of stupidity and poor taste. Poor taste such as crying during 'I Am Sam', or thinking that Band Aid is a worthwhile cause.

Fucking Band Aid. I simply hate the attitude people have toward it. I hate the way people spend £3 for a single and then think 'I've done all I can, now it's time for those rotten politicians to do the rest!' It's just a way to try and relieve collective guilt without making any kind of real sacrifice. They announced that they had raised £100 million or something this year. Big fucking deal. That might save a few lives, sure, but what about the rest? The majority? They die of course. But we just sit there, thinking that we can't make any real difference, though safe in the knowledge that at least we've done something. We bought a shitty single for £3.

Maybe I'm a twat.

"So I've been illegally downloading those new episodes of Arrested Development. Oh my sweet God they are like, totally good. Oh, and Derek Matthews invited me to the bi-annual 'Fall Ball' "balls" ball this friday (where we go out in a group and try and find a young boy in the midst of puberty and just, like, totally rape the shit out of him!). I am totally psyched, all the other guys are gonna be like, totally jealous."

So I was reading the other day about this brand new 'gay school' they opened in New York City. They don't like it to be called that of course, but that's what it is. I gotta say I'm against this, segregating a group of people from the public school system just because they like to stick their soapy fish up the ass holes of other guys, or lick pussy when they, in fact, also have a pussy. They say it's because they were picked on too much in 'mixed' schools. I mean Jesus, I was picked on at school a shitload. My attendance was never above 75%, but that didn't mean I flunked out. If you're a retard, you're a retard. Going to a school where there's more ass for you to tap, isn't going to help your grades. Whatever, I don't think I'll ever understand the species.

I'm at university now and things are going pretty good. My only worries in life are deadlines, my appearance and money. That's simplifying it of course. Deadlines aren't a problem, my appearance forever will be and money will be until I finally run out. That's gonna be pretty soon too, seeing as I have a total of £5.67 left. That's roughly $10 American. Women are another problem. Mostly as the only ones who have expressed interest in me have been, well, not my type. My type being at least attractive enough to bear looking at for more than 5 seconds. I hate how hypocritical I am, despising superficiality and yet living as a beacon of it. I hate getting drunk too, when I get drunk I give out my number thinking "there's no need not to, I can delete it in the morning" No, that wasn't a typo. I really am a moron. Why do the coolest women always have to be way too good for me? I know that's a really fucking stupid and self defeating thing to say but I enjoy cutting the crap. Life is there to be dealt with though, and I'm happy right now, all these problems melt into obscurity in those brief moments where I think straight and see the 'big picture.' Even if it is just for a second.

That's the heinous gayness over with now.

What else..what else. Oh yeah, I'll be hosting a show on my university radio station pretty soon. I'm hoping to sneak some comedy into it, if I can come up with anything funny to say. My attempt to step into the world of standup comedy will have to hold off for the time being. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm just not ready to put my dignity on the line just yet. I'll do it one day.

Clever title eh? I know what you're thinking, 'what's the deal with you and your penis?.' Well I'll tell you if you shut the fuck up for one second you dick. Anyway, so I went to the doctors to get all up to date with my injections before university, and while I was there I decided to do some 'penis talk' with my female doctor. See I knew something wasn't quite right for a while, but I'd been putting off visiting her, cause you know, she's kinda hot.

Turns out I have a 'non retractable foreskin.' Sounds dangerous I know, but apparently it's perfectly normal and just a little weird. I've always been special like that. There are a couple of benefits I see in this though, one is that it's like having a hat that never comes off. 'But what if you want to go indoors?' you say, well to be honest, I'm really more of an outdoors kinda guy so it probably won't be an issue. The other benefit is a little too personal to write here, I know you understand.

Bye!

So my exam results come out today, this is effectively the day that decides the rest of living life! (before I go to hell and play skeeball with bob hope and that fat comedian from the fifties). So technically I should go to sleep now, but alas I cannot, because my penis is really hurting. I should probably see a doctor or something..yeah it's not right...not right at all. Regardless, the results are only 9 hours away now and I can feel the lukewarm soak of low wage employment in some shitty office that makes staples or something..slowly devouring me. My alternative isn't that appealing either I guess, I have applied to do Archaeology at University College London after all, I mean when the fuck do you hear of an archaeologist with a beautiful wife, a stable job and a nice home. You don't! Because they're all either knee deep in shit digging up some roman guys toothpick, or working for the social services filing blank paper because no one ever really does any work.

But the experience will be what counts, and hopefully from this launchpad into mediocrity I can do something worthwhile with my life. Stranger things have happened after all, like the holocaust for example. Seriously, ask anyone whether they saw THAT coming!

Oh well this has been fun, and despite the fact that I feel like I've sold out by writing this little journal doodaa, I've enjoyed our time together. I know you have.